Ross Barkley Signs for Liverpool in Shock Move

Barkley to Liverpool

Ross Barkley has stunned Everton fans by signing for Merseyside rivals Liverpool in a 5 year deal worth more than £70 million. Wantaway Barkley had been linked with a move to Spurs, but Jürgen Klopp managed to hijack Mauricio Pochettino’s plans by meeting Everton’s valuation.

Thrilled

Barkley Interview“I’m over the moon,” the Toffees academy product told Soccer on Sunday. “The fact that I don’t have to move house was a huge factor. I’ve just had the kitchen done and a new boiler put in, so when the gaffer tapped me up, it took five seconds to say yes. It’s one of those Bosch boilers where you can text ahead after training and have hot water waiting. So the decision to sign for Liverpool was easy.”

“Liverpool is a massive club,” said Barkley. “Like a good Everton, in many ways. But it’ll be difficult saying goodbye. I’ve a couple of tattoos that’ll need covering up. I had to stick a Robbie Fowler head onto a Duncan Ferguson I had drawn on my back in April. Looks disturbing, if I’m honest.”

“A bit like an unwell Peter Kaye,” added Barkley.

Betrayal

Rooney EvertonWayne Rooney believes Barkley will regret his decision.

“It’s a betrayal,” the recently re-signed striker told Soccer on Sunday. “Signing for the red scum is a knife in the back of this great club. It’s not a decision I could live with. I’m Everton through and through, if you don’t count my 13 years in Manchester.”

“But Ross is his own shitebag,” added Rooney. “On behalf of everyone at Everton football club, I can only wish him a speedy recovery after our wonderful fans smash his face in with baseball bats outside a city centre chipper soon.”