Adidas have apologised for what appears to be a repeating pattern of a male penis in the UTD 2017/2018 home kit. The club released publicity photographs of the new jerseys today, and eagle-eyed fans were quick to spot the mistake.
“We’re very embarrassed,” Adidas CEO Kasper Rorsted told Soccer on Sunday. “I’d like to apologise to everybody at Manchester UTD for this terrible cock-up. When our chief designer Dick Wood made me aware, I went stiff. My head started throbbing. Rest assured, whoever made this boner will be shafted in due course.”
“I’d also like to apologise to the Manchester UTD ladies,” added the Dane. “When Dick told me that the ladies’ jersey has a clunge pattern, I clammed up. You could have twatted me over with a feather minge. Believe me, there’ll be no fannying about. The busy beaver who did this will be snatched up before daybreak. I’ve had emuff.”
Paul Scholes insists that players must respect the jersey no matter the circumstances.
“Forget about the design,” the midfield legend told Soccer on Sunday. “You owe it to the jersey to give 110% every time you put it on. Doesn’t matter if it’s covered in dicks, fanny, boobies, or big huge, massive hairy balls.”
“Or flange,” added Scholes.