Cellino Transfers 51% Ownership of Leeds UTD to his Dog

Leeds Owner

Leeds UTD fans are waking this morning to the shock news that their club is now majority-owned by a dog. Chairman and convicted fraudster Massimo Cellino transferred 51% of his shares overnight to ‘Scrappy’ — his labrador retriever.

Denial

Cellino denLeeds owner Cellinoies that the move is intended to frustrate a pending FA legal action against his ownership.

“Not at all,” the Italian told Soccer on Sunday. “Scrappy has been around football since he was a pup. He has a football brain. Last week he growled at the TV when an offside was given against Chris Wood when he wasn’t interfering with play. And then he started to lick his own balls when we were denied a stonewall peno. I think it’s pretty clear what he was saying.”

Scrappy

Garry MonkSix year-old Scrappy reportedly attended a board meeting at Elland Road this morning.

“It was good to meet the new owner,” Garry Monk told Soccer on Sunday. “He nuzzled my crotch for 20 minutes, which I’m told is a vote of confidence. Rob Green’s contract extension wasn’t approved until he gave me the paw, and when I mentioned Giuseppe Bellusci he savaged my calf. But overall it was a positive meeting. It ended a bit early when the owner heard a hoover outside and shit all over the carpet.”

“Fans need to keep an open mind,” added the former Swansea manager. “Football’s changing. There’s lady refs and linesmen now. It’s only a matter of time before we see a lady or a dog in the dugout.”

StrachanStrachan

Gordon Strachan believes that Cellino being out of the picture can only be a positive.

“Give Scrappy time,” the club legend told Soccer on Sunday. “Other than sniffing his own butt, he’s not going to do anything rash, and maybe that’s what Leeds UTD need right now. A safe pair of paws.”